Udonis Haslem rips how people of Portland look: ‘Scariest s–t I ever seen, like from X Files’

Udonis Haslem retired a year ago after 20 seasons with the Miami Heat, during which time he assumed multiple types of roles as a player with the organization.

While he eventually morphed into an elder statesman, he still has some controversial opinions, and on “The OGs Podcast,” he revealed one of them: his opinion of the people of Portland, Ore.

“I have been there,” said Haslem regarding Portland. “I have seen your out life. I have seen your nightlife. Ain’t a mothaf—— thing goin’ on where you had to rush that man from New York to get to see that s—.

“I caught myself trying to go out to grab a drink with Goran Dragic one time in Portland. That’s the scariest s— I ever seen — like from ‘X Files.’ Scared the s— out of y’all. … Scary out there man. You think you finna stop and get a drink, you in for some s— from ‘Walking Dead.’ I’m like, ‘Hold on man, everybody can’t look like this.'”

Haslem went undrafted in 2002 out of the University of Florida. After spending the 2002-03 season playing in France, he was signed by the Heat. Having grown up mostly in Miami, he was extremely lucky, as very few pro athletes ever get to play for their hometown pro team.

As a rookie, he started 24 games and played a key role on a young Heat team that advanced to the second round of the playoffs. With a Shaquille O’Neal trade in the summer of 2004 and the emergence of a young superstar named Dwyane Wade, he saw himself becoming a starter on a team that had high expectations.

Miami made it to Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals, and a year later, it won its first-ever NBA championship by downing the Dallas Mavericks in the Finals.

When LeBron James and Chris Bosh arrived in 2010, Haslem took on a different role off the bench. But he was still instrumental in the Heat winning back-to-back titles in 2012 and 2013 and reaching the championship series four straight times.

In his last few years, he barely played, but his veteran leadership was invaluable, and he even served as something of an unofficial assistant coach at times, especially when the Heat made their Cinderella run to the NBA Finals in 2020.

Shortly after Haslem retired, the Heat hired him to be their vice president of basketball development, allowing him to pay it forward and help their current crop of players achieve success. He has also tried his hand at broadcasting by making appearances on NBA TV and ESPN as an analyst.